Patriarchy and Codependency

by , on
Oct 26, 2017

I have stood against the concept of patriarchy for a while now.  I have been aware of how insidious codependency was for a time as well.  However, it was not until yesterday, I realized as a man, patriarchy and codependency go hand in hand.  Codependency is one of the tools of a patriarch.  Ruling and subjugation needn’t be physically violent, it can be elusive, subconscious and even thought to be normal.

My Journey so far

Anyone who has followed my journey knows I have put a lot of effort into correcting my behavior towards women.  If you haven’t followed my journey thus far, now you know I had a lot of work that needed to be tended to in that area.  Sometimes we can’t figure out what is broken until we can see all the moving parts.  Having begun dating and fixing other elements that were more obvious, I was recently able to gain awareness into the depths of issues I thought I had resolved.  Not only were they unresolved, they were rampant, pervasive in my life, destructive to those I loved and destructive to my healing.  I posit that for men, patriarchy and codependency go hand in hand.

Patriarchy

A simple definition of a Patriarch is a man who rules a family, clan or tribe.  Therefore patriarchy would be the rule of men.  To be clear, I’m not a man who is against healthy masculinity or views men as less than women.  On a conscious level, I know both sexes have their assets and that for the overall wellbeing of both sexes the equality of those assets needs to be appreciated.  I don’t view those assets through the western cultural lens of males being the physically strong breadwinners and women being superior in emotional intelligence and housework.  So when I am consciously aware of the equality of sexes I couldn’t be participating in patriarchy or male dominance, could I? Yes, now let me explain codependency.

Codependency

A simple definition of codependence is the mutual dependence of two people, especially when one partner emotionally relies on supporting and caring for the other.  Let me be clear, I am not talking about the healthy act of supporting someone through difficult times or caring for another individual when they are in need.  I mean the pervasive action of offering support when it’s not needed and caretaking for the individual when they are capable of resolving whatever issue they face.  Codependency has two sides and therefore two ways that it can further enmesh itself with patriarchy.  A man can either seek to be the one constantly receiving attention, constantly being looked over, pampered, addressed at the expense of the caretaker or the man can be the caretaker and constantly seek to control the other by offering unwarranted advice, concealed contracts, reminding, begging, etc.  Let’s be honest no side of co-dependency is factually based in love, even if that is the intent.  patriarchy and codependency are both laden with fear and control.

Patriarchy and Codependency

Patriarchy and codependency go together like bread and butter.  What better way to trap a victim than either pulling at their heartstrings or doing actions that cause them to either lose faith in their own ability to cope with or handle situations or to let all the coping and handling of situations fall to another so they can enjoy life with no worries.  Often times codependency isn’t a physical form of violence either so it’s elusive.  It’s the prolonged mental and emotional violence.  That can often leave both the recipient and caretaker, feeling crazy and all shook up at times throughout the exchange.  Don’t worry there is hope, there is a solution, however, it rests with you.

Healing Codependency

I want to be clear, if it isn’t obvious already, women can be codependent as well, this isn’t an exclusively male problem.  I linked patriarchy and codependency because, in my personal life, I usually seek out women for these roles and want to raise awareness for other men to heal this behavior, treat women they love better and also treat themselves better as well.  So regardless of sex, these solutions will help.  The first thing you can do is further educate yourself on what codependency is and isn’t.  I recently got a book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More and it has been illuminating.  It has revealed to me how destructive and pervasive this set of behaviors, thoughts, actions, and reactions are in my life.  After we become aware of how we personally participate in codependency, in either role, the next step is loving ourselves but also recognizing we can’t continue our participation in codependency for the sake of our loved ones and most importantly ourselves.  Next, we move into awareness and vigilance in regards to those behaviors.  That means taking responsibility for our actions by either pulling our own weight or by letting others pull their own weight.  Codependency is usually based in fear, I fear they can’t do it, I fear what they will face, I fear to be without them, I fear I am not worthy unless I always put them first, I fear to tell my truth, I fear to be myself or on the other hand, I fear I am incapable, I fear to hurt their feelings and say I don’t need help, I fear to say no.  So what we really need in order to heal from codependency is simple.  Honest self-assessment of the behaviors, after awareness, comes vigilant action in correcting the behavior, honest compassionate communication with everyone, taking responsibility for ourselves, letting go of controlling behavior, trust, faith and above all else love. At the end of the day, you can’t correct your codependency for the other involved, you have to correct it for you.

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I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

The Knot

by , on
Oct 7, 2017
The Knot

The Knot

Have you ever felt like your life was tied in an emotional knot? That if you had to unravel it, you wouldn’t know where to begin?  Every strand is interwoven so intricately that pulling one part to loosen it only tightens it in another.

I’ve spent the last year untangling a life sized knot that has been holding me back in the present. In its intricate threads are anger, resentment, and guilt that have been tightly wound way down to its center since I was in my early teens. I was pretending to be fine all along with a giggle and a smile.  Partying in my teens and 20’s lead to self medicating with alcohol in my 30’s.  Yet, I raised children, provided for my family while my husband was dealing with health issues, and from the outside appeared normal. I was still smiling.

In the midst of pushing away my old issues, I was dealing with new ones.  My husband suffered a back injury which lead to two surgeries, and left him with a debilitating condition that ultimately caused him to lose his job.  With the loss of his job came the loss of our house, bankruptcy, and several moves.  We were stressed, depressed and feeling pretty out of control.  At that time, I wasn’t even trying to untie the knot.  It was firmly in place and as long as I didn’t have to look at it, it didn’t bother me that much.  

When not facing the knot I was able to improve things on the surface.  I secured a good job and worked my way up to a higher paying position. We were able to buy another house and, with support from our family, we got back on our feet.  In spite of this, there was still a seething pain underneath. A clenching tightness.  My past was catching up to me. The knot was woven so tight, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It was at that point that I turned my attention to it and started to pull at the many strands.

As expected, it was not easy. It required taking a really good look at myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t recognize her. In fact, I began to wonder if I had ever really known her. She was wound in the knot to the point of suffocation. I had to unravel it if I was going to bring her back to life.

At the center of the knot were issues in my past surrounding my father’s mental illness and eventual death when I was in my teens. I learned of my father’s battle with manic depression, or bipolar disorder, when I was 12 or 13. I was confused by the changes in his personality, because he was always jovial and fun to be around. He was a joker who loved to make people laugh.  He was always laughing himself.  He had a big heart. He was the kind of man who even as he struggled to keep his business afloat, would help someone else get on their feet again. He practiced random acts of kindness by going out of his way to buy lunch for homeless people when he came across them. He played the saxophone to old records. He sang silly songs with me and made up games we’d play together. I was his only child and he doted on me.  So, when I found myself forcing him into a vehicle while my mom was trying to drive him to the hospital, it was disorienting and scary.  He wasn’t acting like himself, he didn’t even look like himself. This was the first time I had witnessed him being out of control.  

In the years leading up to his death, it was a constant stream of ups and downs for him. He had outbursts of emotion in public places.  He paced the hallway of our house at night with insomnia. At times he was completely unresponsive.  Instead of having compassion for what he was going through, I was embarrassed and treated him with disrespect. To save face, I went about my life at school acting as if nothing was wrong at home.  I spent a lot of time with friends.  If I didn’t have to be at home, I didn’t have to face the problems there. I acted out with my black clothes and purple hair.  I stole his cigarettes and snuck out at night to meet up with friends and get drunk or high.  All typical teen behavior, except I know it affected him. It hurt him to see me like that, and I didn’t care. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was doing to him exactly what I felt he was doing to me.  Becoming unrecognizable.

He died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 17. I had managed to have one promising conversation with him prior to this, but in his passing, I was left with guilt that was too painful to fully look at. The first layer of the knot was in place.

From that point on the knot continued to grow.  I was convinced I would be fine and rejected the idea of counseling.  I managed to graduate from college, get married and have a family. I piled on the responsibility as fast as I could, doing all of those heavy life changing things in quick succession.  I was too busy to recognize the pain. When I had free time, my husband and I would go out with friends and drink.  It was the perfect way to ignore the growing knot.  By the time we were going through the financial struggles in my 30’s, the knot was dragging heavily behind me slowing my pace to sluggish limp.

I found myself staring into an abyss. I no longer knew where my life was heading. Nothing was satisfying, not even being with my children, which always kept me going even through the hardest times. The good paying job was unsatisfying and stressful. I had no clear career path.  Writing had always been a way for me to release stress, but I had no energy to focus on it.   Anxiety crept in and I felt like I was losing my grip on reality.  I managed to go through the motions of  work and caring for my children, but I was a shell. I imagined I might have an inkling of what my dad had felt through his battles with depression.  

We had made it through all that struggle, and we were in a good place financially. It was as if that new found stability gave me the foundation to allow myself to fall apart, even just a little. It was in letting myself feel that instability that the knot started to loosen.

I got myself into counseling and brought the knot along with me. It was time to dissect the knot.  The strand that was tightest had to do with the guilt and self loathing I felt from the way I treated my father. I had to forgive myself. From there I needed to accept myself and the choices I had made which brought me to this point.  The choices were not all bad, and finding gratitude in the best parts of my life was a healing process.  Some of those strands were releasing and dissolving through that gratitude and acceptance.

The knot is still there. It still tightens from time to time in those areas that involve self love and taking responsibility for my emotions and how I express them. It is my intention to unravel the knot as best as I can. To keep working at those strands and feeling the release as they dissolve.  It is my hope that in doing that, that I find the lost version of myself who is locked in the middle.  I want to release her and allow her to reach her full potential.  To be the model for my children to do the same. That they may not create their own knots by looking up to mine.   

The Tortured Warrior

by , on
Sep 27, 2017
Tortured Warrior

Not all wars are waged on the physical plane, within the soul of the creative wages a war the seeks to extinguish all hope, love, and beauty. This is the path of the tortured warrior.

When I was younger I was always struck with a profound fascination for tribal cultures. An inherent beauty in exists in their aesthetics that seeks to lure in all those that wish to experience their mysteries.  While the fascination never left directly, the eyes of wonder and mystery that perceived them quickly became dulled by a world that was difficult to understand and substances used to escape.  I had spent much energy feeding the wrong wolf, the wolf of evil, and was consumed by anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

My battle as a tortured warrior began early in life by my own thoughts, actions and doing. The other wolf, the wolf of good, suffered many defeats, injuries and was on the brink of death many times.  However, some divine force kept that wolf alive, nurtured him at his weakest, healed his wounds, mended his bones and fortified his spirit.  This is what allowed me to combat the darkness inside of myself.

It is said that it always seems darkest before the dawn and it was in the abyss that the torch of my soul was ignited from the divine spark. The tortured warrior within was cornered by my own actions, thoughts, and beliefs.  Paraphrasing Sun Tzu in the Art of War, you must leave the enemy a path to retreat otherwise they will fight to the death.  This is where the wolf of evil made its mistake, it sought to exterminate the good that was left within me.

Pressed against the wall, with defeat and death the only option available in the chasm of my mind I was forced to fight.  Spiritually bruised, mentally broken, physically weak, I managed to muster up the courage and the insanity to fight a losing battle for the sake of honor.  The tortured warrior within me let out an inaudible battle cry for its rally and blindly pushed back against insurmountable odds.  The wolf of evil, drunk off of ego and victory was blind to the force that still existed within the shattered spirit of the wolf of good.  Unable to maintain its ground the wolf of evil was slowly pushed back out of the chasm of mind until it rested on an open plain.

The wolf of good no longer stands cornered in the chasm by the wolf of evil, it stands in front of that chasm as a guardian.  The wolf of evil has many options of escape now and as such flees like a rat from a sinking ship.  The tortured warrior within me has healed and stands with the wolf of good.  They nurture and support each other as they are confident the wolf of evil and the evil sorcerer that is its master will return for more battles.

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I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Orpheus and Eurydice

by , on
Aug 30, 2017
Orpheus and Eurydice

What wisdom does the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice hold?

Here is a brief snippet of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. This story picks up after Eurydice was taken to the underworld and Oprheus came to rescue her. 

Orpheus played his lyre, melting even Hades’ cold heart. Hades told Orpheus that he could take Eurydice with him but under one condition; Eurydice would follow him while walking out to the light from the caves of the Underworld, but he should not look at her before coming out to the light because he would lose her forever and ever. If Orpheus was patient enough he would have Eurydice as a normal woman again by his side.

Orpheus was delighted; he thanked the gods and left to ascend to the world. Orpheus thought It was a simple task as he considered himself a patient man. He was trying to hear Eurydice’s steps, but he could not hear anything and he started believing that the gods had fooled him. Of course, Eurydice was behind him, but as a shadow, waiting to come to light to become a full woman again. Only a few feet away from the exit, Orpheus lost his faith and turned to see; Eurydice was behind him, but her shadow was whisked back among the dead. Eurydice was gone forever. ( From this article on Wikipedia)

The Philosophical Meaning of Orpheus and Eurydice

For most ancient myths, are just that myths, there exists no actual meaning or real life lessons to be gleaned from them.  However, if viewed with the right set of eyes there can be profound depth inherent within them.  The myth of Orpheus and Eurydice is no different. While I can’t say for certain that the following is what should be taken from the tale, I can say that I find real world application for this as a truth.

How often do we love someone and want to be with them but can’t let go of the past hurt they have caused us?  If we look at the underworld as pain, the symbolizing of looking back as an example of looking back on the past and the concept of being on the surface as seeing them with our highest thoughts of them, we have a clear metaphor for a truth.  In order to have healthy relationships platonic or romantic, we have to let go of the things which have hurt us, that are buried underneath the weight of time.  It is only till we are in the sunlight of our highest understanding of the person in that they are safe and not prone to rot. In my own life, I have made the mistake of looking back at the women I loved before reaching the surface of how I actually feel and having them rematerialize.

There is an underworld within all of us, it is dark, treacherous and full of all the pain and misery we have felt.  We sometimes end up casting those we love into the depths of our painful experiences not because we mean to but because we are human.  When we attempt to bring them back into our lives, often we rush, we want so badly for things to be back as they were, we peek at them, not trusting that they will rematerialize.  It is this looking back, while still in the darkness of our own souls, that we see them “die” before us.

The lesson to be gained from Orpheus and Eurydice is that in order for some things to heal and to have the people we want in our lives, sometimes we have to heal without them, move past the negative emotions they have stirred within us, enter into the sunlight of self-love and respect, then look at them when we are whole, to see them as whole.  When we can do this, we may even realize, it was actually them who was leading us out of our own underworld, not looking at us, until they were whole as well.

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To see my most recent video, read articles, free tarot readings, poetry and more visit my website at

https://thespiritualphoenix.com/

I’ve launched a side project podcast that is focused on 1 minute or less spoken word poetry or inspiration.  You can subscribe here on itunes https://itun.es/i6dq5gw and follow me on instagram @phoenixpoetrypodcast


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I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Embracing the Unknown

by , on
Aug 28, 2017
Embracing the Unknown

We exist in a world of illusion, our sense of self, understanding of others, even our deepest thoughts aren’t real.  The concept of reality is itself an illusion, it is merely a word we have built a conceptual framework around.  As humans we tend to fluctuate our beliefs between two fractals of extremes, these being the best and worst case scenarios. This is where most of our disappointment and suffering lies.  To be truly liberated we must begin embracing the unknown.

Let’s assume that we focus on the worst possible outcome of a situation.  What do we gain?  One might debate that we can prepare for the inevitable fallout.  Better to have an umbrella and not need it than to need an umbrella and not have it. Is that statement really true though?  If we expend our energy, our thoughts and minds preparing for a situation that never occurs are we really better off?  If we train ourselves to always expect rain won’t we be disappointed when it doesn’t?

On the opposite end of the spectrum let’s assume we always anticipate the best possible scenario to occur.  We can frivolously rush into situations unprepared and then we can be caught in a snowstorm in swim trunks.  This leaves us open to being disappointed with what could have been an otherwise pleasant set of circumstances.  We can miss the beauty of the present by reflecting on the past we imagined.

The least common approach to life in my experience and opinion is Embracing the Unknown.  Embracing the Unknown is packing the umbrella, the swim trunks, and a snow suit.  This is more work than outright belief in one possible outcome.  We equally prepare for all possible outcomes, we expect the unexpected.  This approach allows the experience to unfold as it is, rather than how we think it should or will be.

Embracing the unknown isn’t the solution in every instance obviously.  Some things have proven time and time again to be true, If I touch fire, I will get burned, if I drink, I will get drunk ( which is something I choose to abstain from).  Embracing the unknown isn’t the practice of blindly walking into any situation, it is the ability to pull ourselves out of our standard perception of reality, evaluate all conceivable options and walk into uncharted territory.  It is the most difficult practice to begin to incorporate, I can assure you with some degree of certainty, it will have unpleasant moments, pleasant moments and more.  Life will be different for you after you realize you can’t know most of the outcomes you are so certain of in the moment.  Embracing the unknown is a trust fall with your higher power, one where if you have enough faith, open-mindedness and honesty you will see you are caught everytime.


Follow me on all social media @spiritualfoenix

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I’ve launched a side project podcast that is focused on 1 minute or less spoken word poetry or inspiration.  You can subscribe here on itunes https://itun.es/i6dq5gw and follow me on instagram @phoenixpoetrypodcast

I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Depth of Character

by , on
Aug 16, 2017
Depth of Character

“Our true depth of character is not often recognized until we must draw on its resources.  If we are constantly aware of our depth of character, rest assured, it is the depth of our ego we are examining.”

Life has a funny way of presenting us with the exact situations we need, albeit our needs usually appear within situations we do not want. Recently, a situation presented itself in my life that stirred up old thoughts and behaviors.  Feeling a false sense of personal development, I decided to reach down into the depths of who I have become.  The speed and ease at which I found a solution should have been forewarning enough to expose the ignorance in my assumption of depth, however, it was not.  The depth of my ego, that tender squishy little jellyfish, that will attempt to sting anything that threatens it is fathomless, stretching off into an inky abyss.  It just so happens that at this time in my life, I was able to see my ego sting myself, as well as someone I care about.

Life will present us with situations that expose a treacherous unknown depth within ourselves but many of us will be too frightened to throw caution to the wind and dive down into the unknown.  We’d rather remain safely in the shallow parts of our personality because we don’t have to face the increasing pressure, the hidden dangers and even more so the almost certain death of who we are now.  However, it is within this depth that lies a buried treasure.  The vastness of this treasure limits us from being able to bring it up all at once and the darkness that shrouds our depth of character can limit our ability to perceive what it is we are actually taking hold of until we return to the surface.

The situation I encountered was in reality no different.  The aftermath of my own reactions generated a hurricane on my horizon,  the once thought stable position I blindly assumed I had established was threatened as a result of my own impulsive reactivity.  Seeing the threat bearing down on me I recognized how limited my choices were.  I could try to hastily put up walls, which would certainly be destroyed by the force of nature I had created,  I could greet the storm head on and surely be cast upon the rocks, or I could dive into the depths of my character to face the unknown.  Diving into the depth of character may seem the most daunting, dangerous and potentially deadly but when you think about it clearly, it is the safest.  The harsh winds, deadly waves and flying debris of remaining on the surface will surely injure us. When diving into the depth of character, we find a calm stillness that is rarely found on the surface.  Will I surface with a new found treasure, I cannot say for certain, however, if I return to the surface alive, is that not a treasure in and of itself.

To see my most recent video, read articles, free tarot readings, poetry and more visit my website at

https://thespiritualphoenix.com/

I’ve launched a side project podcast that is focused on 1 minute or less spoken word poetry or inspiration.  You can subscribe here on itunes https://itun.es/i6dq5gw and follow me on instagram @phoenixpoetrypodcast


Follow me on all social media @spiritualfoenix

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The Spiritual Phoenix Podcast Logo is made from images from http://game-icons.net/

I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Cosmic Reminder

by , on
Jul 30, 2017
Cosmic Reminder

A cosmic reminder

awakening in the middle of the night

Thinking of a shooting star and seeing one

A wink from the mysteries

or sometimes when they embrace

with those compound synchronicities

a thought and then multiple meaningful moments

that stretch beyond the realm of possibility

to tell you that we have a trickster in our midst

that song title that displays itself in affirmation of the preceding thought

or a shooting star that of all the moments you could have awoken

you witness

Some say you only see synchronicities because you are looking for them

others see a gold and think it to be dog shit

Maybe I am mad for believing that some force is presenting itself in front of me

or Maybe they are mad for taking something so magical and reducing it to dust

But alas Dust, what a mystical thing that is

A post card from the past to the present

To tell you that it once existed

Dust, made up of elements of all the life that have lived

and dirt

dirt both tomb and womb of life

when I die, burn my shell and place my ashes at the base of a tree

the abandoned shell of a hermit soul

watch a fairy ring take hold at that spot

as my final wink and a nod that there is more to this all

 

I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Healing our past

by , on
Jun 29, 2017
Healing our past

“No. No. No. That ruins a child”

Healing our past can be one of the most difficult and often overlook paths to a peaceful present.  Modern culture has enabled us to either be more willing to suppress our past or to victimize ourselves with it.  Rarely are we shown how to actually heal those broken parts and love ourselves to adulthood.   The result is the current culture of either emotionless automatons or over reactive live wires. Both of these mindsets limit our chances of healing our past.  Having been both extremes in the recent past I am well equipped to dive into this somewhat tricky topic.

 

My experience

The majority of our emotional composition and how we respond to situations is obviously largely developed by our parents.  Most parenting styles fall into the nature vs. nurture model both of which have their downfalls when over emphasized.  In my personal story, I had an odd amalgam of both styles each one being exemplified by one parent.  My dad was essentially the emotionless authoritarian type who usually only a  expressed simmering anger.  My mother was very nurture-oriented, however, when crossed she would then ramp up to boiling over anger.  Both of them were very stringent on using the word no, actively teaching me to suppress emotions by never listening to what was behind my emotions, and essentially teaching me unless I acted, felt and did what everyone else wanted I would be bad, punished, etc.  To be clear, this is just how I remember it and I’m not naive enough to assume my memory is 100 percent accurate.  I’d like to also note, that I love my parents and realize they both did the best they could.  There is no owners manual for a child, especially one who had some of the issues I did.

 

What I learned

When we are taught to suppress who we are, those negative emotions fester, we accrue defense mechanisms, poor coping skills and revert into ourselves. , For me, this internalization and isolation were furthered by my use of drugs at around the age of 12 or 13.  By being told no all the time, by not being allowed to feel my emotions, by being punished for who I was, by infallible rule and subject to the concept of I wasn’t good enough.  I learned to hide my emotions, not speak my mind, sneak around to do what I wanted, lie if I was questioned, deny who I was and people please.  This type of behavior was further exacerbated by being an addict which further perpetuates these types of behaviors as well as having developed borderline personality disorder which is caused by the emotional environment in our youth.

 

What I did

After running the gamut of self-destructive choices and reaping the repercussions of toxic relationships, homelessness, jails, psych wards I reached a point of absolute stagnation.  I reached a tipping point when I came to place where it seemed my only option was to have things go worse than they ever were before or to get better.  This eventually led me to quit the use of all mind and mood altering substances, face my past and consciously change my life in the present.  I set forth on a path that required a great amount of effort, diligence, honesty, introspection, dedication and above all else love.  I had to honestly admit that I was at the center of all my problems and that my perception and participation was what mutated them into the putrid puddle of misery I ended up in.  This was the point of liberation.

 

Healing our past

Not everyone has an addiction issue but most of us could benefit from owning our part in our problems.  We can do this by making a list of resentments and seeing what part we played in the actions that created the resentments.  Some of them may not have had our participation prior to them resentment but after the fact, we participate in the resentment by maintaining it.  We need to forgive others, not necessarily for them but for ourselves.  Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”  One of our greatest prison guards is ourselves.  The next way we have to heal our past is, to be honest about our destructive behaviors, the ones that create problems for us.  After that, we have to make a list of all the wrongs we have done.  Finally, we have to make amends to the people we harmed, a simple sorry won’t cut it, we have to change those behaviors, it doesn’t matter if they wronged us, this is for us, not them.  After we have taken care of everyone else and neutralized our past, we have to work towards keeping it neutral.  Healing our past is not only possible, it is necessary for a happier, fuller life.

To see my most recent video, read articles, free tarot readings, poetry and more visit my website at

https://thespiritualphoenix.com/

I’ve launched a side project podcast that is focused on 1 minute or less spoken word poetry or inspiration.  You can subscribe here on itunes https://itun.es/i6dq5gw and follow me on instagram @phoenixpoetrypodcast


Follow me on all social media @spiritualfoenix

Listen to the Spiritual Phoenix Podcast on Itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, TuneIn, Soundcloud, and Blubrry


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I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

Be the Change

by , on
Jun 19, 2017
Be The Change

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.” – Gandhi

Be the change you wish to see in the world, is the paraphrased, misquoted statement falsely attributed to Gandhi many are familiar with.  Are most of us being that change though?  I’d say the answer is a resounding NO, the majority of people, myself included, tend to want to change others to conform to their beliefs.  In the U.S. it seems that those who preach tolerance, myself included, most of the time only have tolerance for what they believe though.  This is problematic because it makes us hypocrites and actually has our participation in what our against.  You can’t logically, philosophically or realistically rally around tolerance with intolerance.

In the current politically charged society of the U.S. there is this incredibly polarizing US VS. THEM mentality. While I highly doubt this is new, it is the most apparent in my life and is further exacerbated by the echo chamber of social media and internet algorithms which deepen the resonance of the feedback loop.  We, by and large, can’t have civil discussions about politics, because we have such volatile opinions of others and overly inflated opinions of ourselves.

I have family on both sides of political leanings and I fall in the center, which I’ve heard some state,  “the middle of the road of the road is the most dangerous place to be”. This position doesn’t absolve me of intolerance either, actually, it gives me more work as the majority of those who are passionate about politics fall on one side or the other, leaving me with few allies and many opposed to my position, as well as me being opposed to the majority of others positions.  Fighting a metaphorical war on both fronts is exhausting because not only are you dug in against two sides, you are in the crossfire of both.  On any given day, I could be labeled whatever insult is thrown by either side.

Although exhausting, overwhelming, at times, infuriating, this process and practice has not been futile.  You see, through all of this, I am learning to practice what I preach, which is tolerance.  I am learning, although no way close to perfect at accepting others beliefs without viewing them as (Insert Insult Here).  I am learning to not cast a whole swath of people on either side as entirely good, or entirely bad, they are people, just like me, and are a mixture of all traits, just like me.  I am actually learning to be the change I wish to see.

I think others on all sides of the political argument are learning to accept and respect the opposition positions, without agreeing with them and without insulting them.  I believe we just don’t see or hear it that often because of fear they will be fed to the wolves of the more entrenched opinions within their own political leanings.

If you want change, you must be the change.  If you want tolerance, practice tolerance, even with the intolerant.  If you want peace, practice peace even with the unpeaceful, if you want love, practice love with the unloving.  I am not perfect at this by any stretch of the imagination, I have a lot of room for improvement but today I put in the effort to be the change I wish to see.

I’ve launched a side project podcast that is focused on 1 minute or less spoken word poetry or inspiration.  You can subscribe here on itunes https://itun.es/i6dq5gw and follow me on instagram @phoenixpoetrypodcast

To see my most recent video, read articles, free tarot readings, poetry and more visit my website at

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I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.

The Journey to our Dreams

by , on
May 31, 2017
Journey to our dreams

The Journey to our dreams often is not on the course we have plotted.  We often have an idealistic course that avoids pit stops and detours.  If our course is not idealistic, we tend to envision a pessimistic one. The reality is that our course to our dreams is just our course and we attach strong expectations of what that should be based on our belief systems.  Let us look at the dangers of how we plot the journey to our dreams.

The path of least resistance

When many of us dream our little dreams we have the tendency to overemphasize the ease of which they will be achieved.  While it is good to be optimistic being unrealistic expectations of what we will encounter on the road to the lives we want can intensify our misery when things don’t go as we planned.  If we go on vacation and have largely regimented plans we miss what I perceive to be a crucial element of any journey.  The little nuances of the now,  the off the path places we stumble upon and those experiences that can only come from having unexpected occurrences lead to places better than we could have imagined.  It is better if we have a rough outline of what our dreams are and allow the path to our dreams reveal themselves as they are without the glossy trappings of a tourist trap.

The path of least enjoyment

The other common mentality towards the journey to our dreams is one of complete misery.  We will never make it, the road will be too difficult, we aren’t prepared for the journey ahead.  Pessimism is a horrible fuel for this kind of journey, it’s volatile and could end up combusting, igniting and ultimately exploding leaving the chariot to our dreams in fractured unrecognizable pieces.  If you were planning a trip somewhere and you had the mentality that you were going to get a flat tire, several speeding tickets, stuck in a traffic jam for hours, food poisoning from a roadside dinner, have an argument with your travel companion and bit by a snake on a hike, would you want to go?  The journey won’t be all sunshine and rainbows but have a negative opinion about it, before you ever even begin doesn’t achieve anything.  You are using some of the fuel for your dreams, your imagination, to think of everything that can go wrong.  What then when something that you couldn’t foresee goes wrong?  It will feel like fate itself is against you at every twist and turn on the road. If your travel itinerary is one of incessant obstacles you may want to find another route.

The path of the unexpected

This is the least traveled on the journey to our dreams, it’s unpredictable, unknowable and undefinable.  If you noticed, the previous two examples offered the illusion of what to expect, even though in reality, we can’t know the best or the worst things we may encounter until we begin to travel.  If we plan for the entire journey to have certain experiences good or bad, we negate the other half of the equation, which is reality.  No journey is entirely idealistic or entirely doom and gloom.  What makes these experiences one way or the other is our attitudes towards what we are experiencing.  When we plot a course and we expect everything to be a certain way we set ourselves up to experience what we think we should but we may miss what those experiences actually are.  The path of the unexpected allows us to hope for the best and plan for the worse.  It means we bring our swimming trunks and a poncho, always bring a poncho,  we bring a tent and the rainfly.  We are able to fluidly transition between the experiences.  It’s better to have supplies and not need them than need supplies and not have them.

 

The Neverending Journey

Something we may not realize when we initially begin the journey to our dreams is they always lay on the horizon.  They are not something that you can ever grasp because, in order to be following your dreams, you have to keep dreaming them.  As you arrive towards one of your dreams, you notice another that lies just beyond that one, and so on. A map for our dreams serves little purpose because it reduces reality to tangible terms that ultimately aid in only encouraging a false sense of security or anxiety.  To dream is to live, to follow your dreams in your daily life is the act of living.  Somedays everything will be as you expect and others it will seem like everything that can go wrong is, regardless keep going. You may cling to the hope of your dreams by a thread but they will be there, encouraging you onward.  So as we prepare to chase our dreams, lose the map, expect the unexpected and don’t forget a poncho. You can’t have a rainbow without the rain.

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For Intro and Outro Credits visit http://bit.ly/SPS2Credits

 

The Spiritual Phoenix Podcast Logo is made from images from http://game-icons.net/

I am on a spiritual journey of involution by loving the pieces of me fractured by past actions into the alchemical gold needed to fill the cracks.